A couple weeks ago, I had a dream that someone broke into our house and stole all of our furniture. They left the computers, the television, basically anything that might have a little street value, and just took our furniture, our sofas and chairs, specifically.
A few days ago (last week, maybe?) I had a dream that, once again, our sofa was missing (in this dream, we were living two houses ago, where we only had one sofa). Also missing were our kitchen table and chairs. In the dream, I was looking at the empty spots where the furniture should have been, and I wondered to myself, “Why do I keep dreaming about missing furniture???” As soon as I’d asked myself that question, the answer came: sofas and chairs are where you rest and relax, 2021 stole your ability to truly relax, and you’re fast approaching the anniversary of the first big blow, the cancer diagnosis.
Pretty meta, no?
Now here we are in February, the anniversary month of my cancer diagnosis. I have about 20 more days until the actual anniversary, and on that one-year mark I have another follow-up appointment with oncology. A few days before that, I have a follow-up at the imaging center.
Oncology is often not a fun place. It’s like they are paid to steal hope and get bonus checks if they also steal joy. My oncologist and I have actually come to an understanding, and she doesn’t do that anymore. But sometimes? I see her PA. We’ll be having a discussion about her this month.
The imaging center is the place where my world fell apart with a few harsh, condescending words from a doctor who couldn’t even bother to first ask if I had somebody waiting for me in the lobby. I didn’t, by the way. I was totally alone when I was told in tones of near blame* that I most likely had cancer.
So, though I continue to seek to have faith to move mountains, I currently find myself having only the stress to move sofas (in my sleeping mind).
I hope to get back to my writing this year, but first? I think I have to get through February.
*There is a story there. Maybe someday I’ll tell it.